You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
