It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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