i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
