in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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