she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
