when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
