You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
how does that bad decision feel?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
