I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
