the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
