there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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