I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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