my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
