Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
