When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
