I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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