Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
