Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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