Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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