I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
