yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
