he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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