K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
