sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
