Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
