uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
