YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
