I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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