i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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