see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
