no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
