we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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