i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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