Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
