Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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