do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
