I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Randomize
