I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
My feet surprised me
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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