I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
