Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
