he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
