watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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