I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
