I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
