Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
