when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
