I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
If I die, sorry about rent.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
