I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
The convent might be a nice break from real life
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
