"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
