Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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