shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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