i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
