worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Watching her eat just hurts me
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
